I like yellow. My middle name is Rae. Think of it as a ray of sunshine. I am a college senior(finally) in psychology, and I tend to mess everything up. I am not perfect. Once we're friends, you can't get rid of me. Sorry.
My senior prophecy was to burn down a library. I currently work in one. Who knows what the future holds. I drink, I smoke and I like my drugs in moderation. Spontaneity, I live off of. I daydream.
If I could bottle the smell of a musty basement, and smell it all day, I would.
I cannot wait to travel one day. Anywhere.
I have much life left, or so I hope. If depressed hippies exist, I am one. I'm also very friendly, talk to me.
While I may not be the happiest, I'm about a gillion times better right now. I don't know why, but I blame the dreads.
I will be documenting my dread journey, as well as being healthy and fit and happy and spiritual. Questions on anything, or any of the above, let me know.
"Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence."
im getting really annoyed because I still wanna die and I still hate myself regardless of the fact there’s a person enthralled by my existence. This makes me really upset.
I’m just so discontent. All the time.
"I think a lot
about killing myself, not like a point on a map but rather
like a glowing exit sign at a show that’s never been
quite bad enough to make me want to leave. See, when I’m up
I don’t kill myself because, holy shit, there’s so much left
to do! When I’m down I don’t kill myself because then
the sadness would be over, and the sadness is my old paint
under the new. The sadness is the house fire or the broken
shoulder: I’d still be me without it but I’d be so boring.
They keep telling me seeing things that aren’t technically there
is called “disturbed cognitive functioning.” I call it
“having a superpower.” Once, I pulled over on the 110 freeway
and jumped out of my old Jeep because I saw it burst
into flames twenty seconds before it actually burst
into flames. I knew my girlfriend and I would be
together because she turned bright pink the first time
she saw me. I know tomorrow is going to come
because I’ve seen it. Sunrise is going to come,
all you have to do is wake up. The future has been
at war, but it’s coming home so soon. The future
looks like a child in a cape. The future is the map
and the treasure. The future looks just like gravity:
everyone is slowly drifting toward everyone else.
We are all going to be part of each other
one day. The future is a blue sky and a full
tank of gas. I saw the future, I did,
and in it I was alive."
I want one of those marriages where they’ve been married 20 years but are still crazy in love and still cuddle on the couch and kiss a lot. I want those kind of marriages that make my kids nauseous because how in love their parents are.